I’ve tried to write a blog post many times in the last few weeks. I failed, obviously.
Initially that was because I was prioritising working on my MA in Creative Writing. I’ve never before worked with such intense focus than I did on my folio in the lead up to handing it in. It felt good to do so (there is general consensus that I’m probably a workaholic) and the folio I handed in represents work I’m incredibly proud of. What I’ve learnt throughout the year about the craft of creative writing has changed who I am as a writer and a person. My writer friend who was on the same journey, has reorganised her computer files into two: Before IIML (International Institute of Modern Letters) and After IIML. The latter folder is empty – so far. I feel like doing the same thing. Moving forward with writing, loaded with all I’ve learnt throughout the year, is an exciting prospect, but I can’t seem to do it just yet. Even with this blog, writing feels slow and difficult.
I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted of course, which could be the simple answer to why words aren’t flowing (nor is Life really). I’m also caught in the flux of changes and transitions. Some of these changes are physical, as I recover from a very recent surgical ‘procedure’ (not telling). It was fairly invasive though and has taken some time to heal. I’m still not fully recovered. I was forced to lie low at home for a couple of weeks- watch tv, knit. I tried to read but failed at that too. I’m walking around fine now and can exercise in a couple of weeks, but all surgery is a trauma and transformations knock us about. Don’t feel too sorry for me though; I’m really happy with the results.
Then there’s the waiting for feedback on my stories from my course assessors. They include a publisher, a renowned novelist and my supervisor. I get their feedback and the results of my MA sometime in the coming days. I think this torturous waiting has created a sense of being stuck in writing limbo; I can’t move on in case there are more lessons to learn. What am I saying? There are always new lessons to learn.
There’s also the huge question of what now? I’ve decided not to look for work until after the Summer school holidays. Over January, I’m taking my children away in our 1974 Classic caravan. I’m actually going on holiday for the first time in ages and I can’t wait. I live in arguably the most beautiful country in the world and I’ve explored so little of it. It’s time for that to change for sure. The caravan is at the re-fitters now, getting spruced up and safe for the journey. Very exciting.
But there is a more important change than all the others that is preoccupying my thoughts at the moment.
I had a random encounter with an eminent New Zealand scientist in a café a few weeks ago. He’d been to see climate change expert Guy McPherson talk about the Global Warming threat currently facing Humanity. We don’t have long apparently – only forty years or so – then extinction. I’m shaken up about it, if it’s true. I really shouldn’t have gone to see Interstellar soon after either – that was just traumatic, although a truly brilliant film. Coincidentally, the G20 summit was going on around the time that Guy McPherson was here spreading the word about what we’re facing, and climate change was in the news thanks to those talks and the release of the 2014 IPCC report.
But this is too short a blog post to write eloquently about this particular issue – it’s too big, too deep. It needs a blog post of its own, or several actually. Actually it needs a novel, and I’m scribbling notes that will hopefully lead me to just that.
After the long gap since my last blog post, I’ve considered changing my blog too. I’ve picked a new design theme as a nod to change. I like it. I thought about giving my blog a new name too. I still may, we’ll see. But I do like the simplicity of using my pen-name, even if it’s lacking in imagination.
So, I’m going to return to regular posts for the foreseeable, and start reading blogs again too – something else I’ve neglected in these weird, changing times. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Yay! Look – I’ve written something! I’ll keep it short though. It has taken several days.