I believe in an odd selection of things. For example, I believe in Astrology (Libra with Taurus rising), which actually goes against my belief in God. I also believe in my ability to see a week or two in advance with my tarot cards, which certainly goes against any sort of belief in God. I believe in ghosts. I believe in karma. I believe in serenity.
There’s also plenty that I don’t believe in. I don’t believe in newspaper horoscopes. I don’t believe in Hell. I don’t believe that aliens walk amongst us (my mother does). I most certainly do not believe in feng shui. What I’m still unsure about is whether or not I believe in luck, or if it’s something we create for ourselves when we are being positive in our world.
I was bemoaning the fact that I live in an unlucky house to some friends during the week. I believe that my house may be unlucky because I’ve had to deal with the police more in the eighteen months that I’ve in this house than in my whole life previously. None of it has been my fault, by the way. It’s been the neighbours.
First I had a gang of boys boot a rugby ball through the window. That led to my becoming friends with their parents, mind you, so that wasn’t so bad, but frightening at the time and deliberate, the little … darlings.
Then there was a threatening letter in my letterbox that turned out to be a case of mistake in identity. Some gang member thought that I was a witness in a court-case; I wasn’t. I had to take it to the police station and stay there with the kids while it was sorted.
Annoyingly, the other day, we had our winter coats stolen from the car while it was parked in the driveway.
There’s been a drunken punch-up outside. There’s been a marriage split next door, but worse of all, by some way, are the bloody awful neighbours who live directly behind me. I can’t be bothered to talk about them, but the police are involved there too. It’s to do with loud parties in their garage, trash being thrown into our garden and some of my plants being pulled up.
So, time to move?
One my friends said, ‘Of course you’re having bad luck in that house; it’s a corner plot’. She was talking about energy flows and the fact that I’m surrounded by neighbours at all angles, not just to the sides. Apparently that’s very bad feng shui. Apparently there’s a malignant vortex of negativity and my house is at the centre of it.
Definitely time to move.
Except it isn’t. Not for me anyway. A few months ago I was amped to move further into Wellington; it seemed at the time that that’s where I needed to be for work and for a social life. However, as time has passed, I’ve become more and more entrenched in this area, as have my children. We have friends here now, routines and habits. I love it here. And is the house really unlucky, or did we just unwittingly move to a crappy suburban area? There are some lovely quiet villages nearby…
Reason tells me that the big city is the place to be for work after the course has finished, but I don’t even know what sort of work I want to do. I just want to write, that’s the problem.
Thing is, I also believe that life has a funny way of sorting itself out – that the right person, place, profession comes along when you least expect it, and when you are ready for it. I believe that’s more to do with Faith than luck.
I’ve recently picked up an old Hazelden daily meditations book that’s been knocking about at the bottom of a drawer for years, Every Day a New Beginning, and there’s a sentence from today’s entry that I’d like to share: ‘Today’s experiences, in concert with yesterday’s and all that’s gone before, are combining to weave an intricate life design, unique, purposeful, and for our ultimate good.’ – Now that I believe.
I feel changes coming, but even my short-term tarot reading skills can’t help me spot what they are. Just got to get to the end of this MA, keep my pen moving across the page, put up with the bad neighbour for a little while longer, and see where fate/God/the Universe takes me from there. I have faith that it will be right for me.